What love felt like…in ninth grade (part 3)

I’m not going to lie. I took the break up pretty well.

I was one of those people that are like, “you know what? Fuck him! I will move on and be a better person for myself.” I think to myself, wow was I strong back then as a child who wasn’t afraid of anything. Fearless.

After the break up, prom was coming up and I honestly just wanted to go with my girl friends, my sister and some other upperclassmen. It was exciting to just have fun, eat and dance. While on AIM (or skype, I’m not sure which messenger platform I used back them to talk to my friends in school) but, I got a message from my ex, and our break up was probably 3 months ago around this time, he asked me be his prom date.

Oh hell no. Fuck that. He’s got some nerve to ask me to be his prom date after breaking up with me and cheating on me with one of my close friends. I told him no and then two messages came in after that. It was from a guy who I truly hate and my ex boyfriend’s best friend. They both asked me to be their prom date as well and honestly, i was in completely shock. My ex’s best friend is one of the kindest person I’ve ever met, and cute and smart. On the other hand, the guy who i truly hate is one of my ex’s friends as well. He was mean, he rude, and always teased me and joke with me.

My decision? I went with the guy I dated. And he was the best date I’ve ever had. He was sweet, told me I was pretty, picked me up, made her I went home safely, and danced with me. And though he told me he had a crush on me, everyone in my class knew I was leaving to go back to the US. So he wished me the best and a kiss on the cheek.

As bad as all these situations were, I was happy to leave one good last memory and he made me feel wanted, happy and loved.

Before leaving to go to the US, most of my friendship broke because my friends didn’t see a point to continue a friendship if i wasn’t physically there. Which is bullshit and I was hurt and it made me feel so sad and was never contacted it. But of course i was the fearless teen back then so it didn’t stop me from being happy. Throughout my time in Vietnam, there were some tough times and some hard times like my first attempt to suicide (most likely in my next post).

But the funny thing is, on the last day of school, C (the girl who my ex cheated on me with and WAS my close friend) she came to me as I was cleaning out my locker and she kneel toward me and apologized 10 times over. She asked me, “Vy, please forgive me?”.

I said, “No”. And walked out of that terrible school.

What love felt like…in ninth grade (part 2)

After deciding to just break it off with W and going on a date with M; surprisingly it was quite nice.

He took me out to fun places, like the park and places to eat. We talked about our lives and what we wanted to do in the future. And he also send me baskets of roses to me and my mother at our apartment. It was always so sweet of him to do these type of gestures.

But needless to say, I know I didn’t love him. I liked M but he felt like hanging out with a friend and not in a romantic kind of way. After 2 weeks, he tried to kiss me a few times and truthfully, it didn’t go well. To him, it did but to me, bleh. And so, as much as how nice he was, I told him, “I’m sorry, but I can’t return your feelings”. He understood and took it nicely and agreed. From then on, sure, I saw him at school and he and I were friends but I gave him some space to heal and let him be on his own without me.

Though it was short, but after that, I tried reconnecting with W. W knew this was me doing a trial run with M and that it was to see if I had feelings for M or if it can develop over time, but it was too hard. I felt as though I did it as a favor to M, to date him, because he begged in school. So, I tried contacting W, and he basically told me, “I’m sorry but I’m already seeing someone in the US”. I hung up and never spoke to him again. I was crushed. I knew that he was hurt too but he also knew M and I wouldn’t last long and that hopefully W and I can be together if I ever moved back to the US (which I did, after 10th grade).

From then on, I was alone again. I was heart broken from W’s decision, but i moved on and life moved on.

This story circles back to K, the guy who was playing soccer and acts like a narcissist because he was so damn smart. During the time of all these breakups I’m going through, during math class, K give me a note and asked me if I was okay and if I needed someone to talk. I answered yes and we talked in the soccer field. It felt nice to be able to let out all your sadness and frustrations to someone I didn’t know. And from then on, we became friends.

He introduced me to his Korean friends and we would all hang out, play video games in the internet cafe, and eat. It was a very casual distraction from all my sad thoughts at the time. So one day after school (after being friends for maybe 4 to 5 months), his friends asked so, “is she your girlfriend?”. I was shook and triggered from that question and I waited for his answer. He looked at me and asked, “so? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”. I didn’t know what to say other than that I was going home because I didn’t feel well. As I left, I heard the guys chilling and talking as if I was already in a relationship with K because everything was so free flowing and natural.

I went home and contemplated, should I date him?

After dinner and just relaxing for a bit, I took out my phone and gave him a call. This was the conversation:
V: Hey.
K: Hey!
V: Um… Were you serious about what you said?
K: For you to be my girlfriend? Yeah.
V: Ask me again.
K: Will you be my girlfriend?
V: I can’t hear you…
K: Will you be my girlfriend?!!
K’s sister: Oh my god, shut the hell up
V: Yes.
K: What?
V: Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend
K: Great, 9 am tomorrow?
V: For what?
K : Our first date
V: Ok…
K: I’ll meet you outside of your condo.
V: Bye. See you at 9.
K: Bye girlfriend~
*Hangs up*

So yes, I said yes. Whoop-di-do…. Well, the relationship was just like any other. We went on dates, held hands, kiss (he was a big kisser and his braces didn’t help). We studied and did homework together. We went to events and shows together. It was nice. We didn’t fight and something we bicker but nothing too major to the point where we fought and I would cry.

While dating K, life was starting to look up, I have a new group of friends. We all hung out together, sleep overs, game nights, movie nights, chilling, baking, cooking. Basically everything and it was nice to feel wanted be people who doesn’t judge you by false information and rumors.

But as long as it goes, New Years Eve came around and my luck ran out.

It was New Years Eve and my friend and I went to one of the tallest condo with the best view of the fireworks and I was so excited.
I was texting my boyfriend K to come meet us up at the location and we were waiting on some people.
Around this time, I wasn’t feeling all those suspicious of my friends being close to my bf. Like they all would talk about other things like video games, or school or Korean culture or anything honestly and it never bothered me to feel like.. threatened.

One person I became close to, her name is C. She was a grade younger than me, half american, half Vietnamese. Very wealthy and very beautiful. She was also very kind. She saw me as her big sister. I met her family a few times and they would go on business trips a lot. With that, they entrusts me to talk care of their home and their daughter, so she called me big sister. I never noticed if she and my bf was getting close. I never had to be and eagle and keep an eye of either of them.

While hanging out with friends, I noticed that whenever K was texting, C would get a message. It seems like a coincidence. So I didn’t think much of it. But there was one strange instance where she told me she could hang out with me because she had to help her mom. But then her mom told me the day before, to keep an eye on C tonight because he had to fly out for a business trip. Why would she lie?

Just when the fireworks are about to go off, C left our group with no warning and we couldnt catch her in time to ask her where she was going and as soon as that happened, I got a call from K and he said,

“I’m sorry but I don’t think we can be together. Let’s break up”. Then he hung up.

I didn’t know what to do other than cry. And as it strikes 12, there was no fireworks. There were big red lanterns floating up into the sky quietly as I cried.

What love felt like…in ninth grade (part 1)

When 9th grade started out, things were looking up.
I made some new friends, I was losing a lot of weight due to the heat, culture, lifestyle it was living in Vietnam. All the foods were pretty much natural (like oh hey that cow we saw right there, it was your dinner).
I was grateful for all that was given to my by my parents, my family in Vietnam, and the very few friends who stuck with me after the bullying in 7th grade.

One of the things I realized about myself was, I was weak.
I blacked out during PE class while doing a beep test (running test) and I woke up and found myself in my gym teacher’s office.
She told me i blacked out and my heart stopped beating for a second and then came back. She was terrified and wanted to talk to my parents. I didn’t want her to and for some reason, she was okay with not telling my parents but instead let me be her PE assistant without doing the real work outs.

While being weak and having close to no friends, I turned myself to using FB and the internet quite a lot. Making friends, going onto Omegle, playing on Omgpop, or Neopets or Xanga or Myspace. The whole Shazam. So now that I was reconnected with a few other friends back at home, I’m talking to them a lot more. For instance, I am commenting on their pages, playing video games with them and etc.

With this, it led me to have a few friend requests from people I don’t know. The only thing I do know and that, I have and am a mutual friend from them to my other friends back in the US. There was one particular guy who was so cute, handsome and very polite. I’m going to call him.. W. W was a sweet guy, introduced himself to me, we talked, we chilled, we web-cammed and we already started feeling a sort of feeling people feel when they like other people. So yes, I had a crush on W and to me, he felt like the best guy in the world to be with. He knew how i looked like, I am not a skinny girl, I look pretty average, and I’m not from a wealthy family either. In my eyes, he accepted me for me. So we were constantly talking everything and to be honest, I really didn’t care about anyone else but W.

Now back to being in school…while being weak and sick, I was able to watch of sports games, as a the PE assistant I helped during the games too. I saw this very tall guy playing soccer and I saw he was cute, smart, and pretty intimidating to be honest. He was in my math class and whenever I was confused, he was reach over to help me. But he tried teaching me like I’m some idiot, so I didn’t like his personality very much.

Even with disliking his personality, I found myself coming to all his soccer games and seeing him play. With these games, they run late and I’m usually always the only girl there, so I never try to let the soccer team see me by myself. While waiting for everyone to leave either after practice and a game, I always feel like someone was watching me.
I wouldn’t say I was afraid but it was an unpleasant feeling.
Continuing on watching the guy, we’ll call him K, play, it was breathing fresh air. Overtime, every game or practice, I feel as though someone is watching me and i started to feel some sort of fear. But after coming home, i brushed it off like it was nothing…. until i noticed that cold stare and watching me in the morning before classes start.

When going to this particular international school, we have to wait before running through the gate (think Japanese anime). Until they let us go, we can go and we are greeting by people near the gate. When walking into the school, i felt a stare behind my shoulder and it was before the teachers let us go in. I turned around fast to see who it is. And i saw it was a he. And he looked familiar. Like I’ve seen him somewhere before.
I ran toward him and he ran fast. I couldn’t catch a glimpse of him well, but I’m sure if i saw him again, I would know. From there, I was a bit shocked and all I could do and wanted to do was tell W how I feel and that he will protect spiritually (what load of bullshit).

Lunch time came and I decided to go outside for lunch and enjoy the fresh air (and also watch the boys play soccer). I took a seat in one of those outdoor seating areas and just listened to music and ate lunch. As I was eating, I felt a chill. I turned around and I saw the same guy who was following up. I sneakily walked up to him while he didn’t notice and was hiding from me, I said “HEY! Why are you stalking me?”. He started to shiver, and looked around nervous, not knowing what to do.

He introduced himself and called himself M. He wasn’t trying to scare me apparently, he just liked me but he never could seem the time to confess. And then I said, “do it here.” M said, “I know you don’t know me, but I’m an 11th grader, I’ve noticed you for some time and i think I really like you. Would you try to least go out with me for a little bit and then you can decide if you want to be with me?”.

As you may recall, I barely have friends, nor a real love life (excluding W) and anything for that matter, and so I said let me think about it.

I went home thinking to myself. I don’t even know this guy but to me, I thought nothing can go as wrong as what happened in 7th grade. From then on, being flustered by being confessed to, I forgot about W. He was calling me on Skype and so I asked him, “If a guy, at my school, happen to confess to me and ask me out, what should I do”. I know that was something I shouldn’t have asked but W and I had a connection, romantically but also have a platonic ish friendship. He was my friend too and he knew me. He told me, “You should go out with him. It’s not like you can date me, we’re thousands of miles apart, and I can’t even touch you, feel you, or even kiss you.”

My heart broke.

 

Valentine Memories

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t think I have much of a valentine’s day story that may have had an impact or me or something. But I want to continue talking about someone i hold dear to my heart even though he took advantage of me (first story). I think I’ll cut these “love” stories into many pieces for today.

Story number one:
I met this guy who happens to me a grade below me and we became good friends. I knew he had a crush on me for a while and so did his best friend at the same time. But I didn’t see myself dating someone a grade younger than me. So let’s call him A. A was sweet, friendly, always made me feel beautiful and took me out and play video games and we would go hiking a lot together. After a 3 years of knowing him, he never pursue me. He always kept our friendship as a friendship; even though I knew he paid for meals and shopping trips without my help sometimes. Held my bag, kept me a seat during lunch, boyfriend duties.

So… on that 3rd year, he invited me over to his house as usual, and we played games. It was during the weekend and during that year of knowing, I was living in the same condo apartment as he was and i was on the 5th floor and he was on the 3rd floor. So after playing games and such, i was feeling a bit tired, and i went to a bedroom and knocked out. I don’t typically knock out in someone’s apartment so it was a bit unusual that that happened. I always wondered if he put something in my drink when he asked if i wanted a soda and he gave me a glass instead of a can. I fell asleep in a bedroom and i believe it was a guest bedroom, and as soon as I woke up, i found him on top of me kidding my non-moving lips. I was so in shocked that i pushed him off and ran out of his place and ran up to the 5th floor to my condo.

I cried, even though my clothes were on but he was on top of me and kissing my lips. And he didn’t steal my first kiss but to me it was disgusting. I saw him as a friend or even family for that matter and I have told him I will never see him any more than a friend and he understood. But he took advantage of me and my kindness. After that incident, he tried to apologize to me and i couldn’t bring myself to talk to him because I was so uncomfortable. He practically attempted to sexual assault me. I was so afraid and after that, we stopped talking more and hanging out less and not contacting after. Though, i do forgive him, i kept my distance. He added me on Facebook and we would occasionally talk, but i can’t really that we can ever be as close as we used to.

Story number 2:
I wanted to start this story with saying that this story is in relation to A’s best friend…
As I said before, i knew A’s best friend really liked me as well. Though i didn’t feel uncomfortable with having J (we’re going to call him that) to be my boyfriend. But I don’t think I was ready for that either. J was doing boyfriend duties as well, very sweet and kind. And on Valentines’ day, he asked me to come to this little neighborhood park near his apartment (probably at 12 am) and meet him at our usual hang out. So I did.

I went there and i saw rose petals. He made me a trail and it led up to the roof of his condo apartment building (it was a different one from mine). He made a trail that led up to a big heart with candles and a cake and said will you be my girlfriend. So…. I never actually gave him an answer because i didn’t want to date anyone but it’s not like I didn’t like him. So he kissed me and I kissed back to confirm my feelings. It was a confirmation for him and more of a surprise for me because i didn’t know the kiss was coming. We settled down and didn’t speak and he took me to his apartment. We didn’t hold hands, kiss after that, and arrived to his apartment. He laid out Korean food for me (he prepared it ahead of time) and made it like a romantic late dinner. I was surprised and i thought it was sweet, so i decided to do a trail run with him. It didn’t end it like how he wanted and he was heartbroken but he is still my friend today after all these years (10 years). So i hope he is well and his gestures were sweet.

Story number 3:
When i started going to school in Vietnam, i met this very trouble-making kid. He and i were in the same classes and same dance class as well. He was known to date every single girl he has ever met, but that I didn’t know him by. Let’s call him… R. R was very smooth, but loud and had no filter. I knew him because he was trying to date my older sister (who was 2 years older than him, and he was in middle school and she was in high school). I told him to back off and never talk to my sister again or I will do something about it.

So after I told him that, he redirected his amusement and interest to me. I was bending over to tie my shoes after dance class and he flipped my skirt up and everyone saw my underwear. I was so embarrassed and angry that I chased him 3 floors up in our school and slapped the living soul out of him.

After that slap, everyone in the school knew i was the one that slapped him. And i honestly didn’t care. He disrespected me, my sister and other girls.

For that, the next day in dance class, he asked me out in front of the whole class and everyone pressured me to say yes. As a 7th grader and new to the school, i didn’t know better. And I was confused and wanted to make friends or anything but not be someone’s hoe. From there, I ended up being his girlfriend and R was my first boyfriend. While dating, he would pick me up from school, we would walk and we talked about his life and I was surprised because he treated me like a queen. He held my bag, asked me about my family and tried to get to know me. My sister was skeptical because of the rumors and how he acts in school. But once he was dating me, everything seems so sweet and nice and he was doing well in school and he was being praised for being good. I felt like I was being a good influence to him. But that all changed when I found him smoking pot outside of school with his 4 years older friends. They were all seniors in high school.

Everything was going so well and I told him to please not to smoke any more and he best not lie to me because i will end it. He promised me he wouldn’t and so i took his word. Everything was dandy after that. He met my parents, he was doing well in school, we were being a regular couple and there was no issues. Until one day… He told me he was going to hang out with friends and I said sure, until I saw him smoking pot outside of a restaurant and I saw it. He thought I was getting a ride from my mom, so I wouldn’t see him smoke first hand. I told him right then and there that were were breaking up because he lied and I ran.

We didn’t speak for a few days and he didn’t go to school and I refused to talk to him. Until maybe a week after we broke up, he brought in a knife and started to threathen a new kid I was talking to and helping out to see his new school and R was jealous. He tried to stab the new kid and the teachers got a hold of him and the police came and from there he was expelled. Though after that, i didn’t hear anything from him and I was shocked that happened and he would bring a knife to school. But I can say that he was an amazing boyfriend and if I was me now in the past, I would be okay with him smoking a little bit. I was a bit of a goody two shoes.