After deciding to just break it off with W and going on a date with M; surprisingly it was quite nice.
He took me out to fun places, like the park and places to eat. We talked about our lives and what we wanted to do in the future. And he also send me baskets of roses to me and my mother at our apartment. It was always so sweet of him to do these type of gestures.
But needless to say, I know I didn’t love him. I liked M but he felt like hanging out with a friend and not in a romantic kind of way. After 2 weeks, he tried to kiss me a few times and truthfully, it didn’t go well. To him, it did but to me, bleh. And so, as much as how nice he was, I told him, “I’m sorry, but I can’t return your feelings”. He understood and took it nicely and agreed. From then on, sure, I saw him at school and he and I were friends but I gave him some space to heal and let him be on his own without me.
Though it was short, but after that, I tried reconnecting with W. W knew this was me doing a trial run with M and that it was to see if I had feelings for M or if it can develop over time, but it was too hard. I felt as though I did it as a favor to M, to date him, because he begged in school. So, I tried contacting W, and he basically told me, “I’m sorry but I’m already seeing someone in the US”. I hung up and never spoke to him again. I was crushed. I knew that he was hurt too but he also knew M and I wouldn’t last long and that hopefully W and I can be together if I ever moved back to the US (which I did, after 10th grade).
From then on, I was alone again. I was heart broken from W’s decision, but i moved on and life moved on.
This story circles back to K, the guy who was playing soccer and acts like a narcissist because he was so damn smart. During the time of all these breakups I’m going through, during math class, K give me a note and asked me if I was okay and if I needed someone to talk. I answered yes and we talked in the soccer field. It felt nice to be able to let out all your sadness and frustrations to someone I didn’t know. And from then on, we became friends.
He introduced me to his Korean friends and we would all hang out, play video games in the internet cafe, and eat. It was a very casual distraction from all my sad thoughts at the time. So one day after school (after being friends for maybe 4 to 5 months), his friends asked so, “is she your girlfriend?”. I was shook and triggered from that question and I waited for his answer. He looked at me and asked, “so? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”. I didn’t know what to say other than that I was going home because I didn’t feel well. As I left, I heard the guys chilling and talking as if I was already in a relationship with K because everything was so free flowing and natural.
I went home and contemplated, should I date him?
After dinner and just relaxing for a bit, I took out my phone and gave him a call. This was the conversation:
V: Hey.
K: Hey!
V: Um… Were you serious about what you said?
K: For you to be my girlfriend? Yeah.
V: Ask me again.
K: Will you be my girlfriend?
V: I can’t hear you…
K: Will you be my girlfriend?!!
K’s sister: Oh my god, shut the hell up
V: Yes.
K: What?
V: Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend
K: Great, 9 am tomorrow?
V: For what?
K : Our first date
V: Ok…
K: I’ll meet you outside of your condo.
V: Bye. See you at 9.
K: Bye girlfriend~
*Hangs up*
So yes, I said yes. Whoop-di-do…. Well, the relationship was just like any other. We went on dates, held hands, kiss (he was a big kisser and his braces didn’t help). We studied and did homework together. We went to events and shows together. It was nice. We didn’t fight and something we bicker but nothing too major to the point where we fought and I would cry.
While dating K, life was starting to look up, I have a new group of friends. We all hung out together, sleep overs, game nights, movie nights, chilling, baking, cooking. Basically everything and it was nice to feel wanted be people who doesn’t judge you by false information and rumors.
But as long as it goes, New Years Eve came around and my luck ran out.
It was New Years Eve and my friend and I went to one of the tallest condo with the best view of the fireworks and I was so excited.
I was texting my boyfriend K to come meet us up at the location and we were waiting on some people.
Around this time, I wasn’t feeling all those suspicious of my friends being close to my bf. Like they all would talk about other things like video games, or school or Korean culture or anything honestly and it never bothered me to feel like.. threatened.
One person I became close to, her name is C. She was a grade younger than me, half american, half Vietnamese. Very wealthy and very beautiful. She was also very kind. She saw me as her big sister. I met her family a few times and they would go on business trips a lot. With that, they entrusts me to talk care of their home and their daughter, so she called me big sister. I never noticed if she and my bf was getting close. I never had to be and eagle and keep an eye of either of them.
While hanging out with friends, I noticed that whenever K was texting, C would get a message. It seems like a coincidence. So I didn’t think much of it. But there was one strange instance where she told me she could hang out with me because she had to help her mom. But then her mom told me the day before, to keep an eye on C tonight because he had to fly out for a business trip. Why would she lie?
Just when the fireworks are about to go off, C left our group with no warning and we couldnt catch her in time to ask her where she was going and as soon as that happened, I got a call from K and he said,
“I’m sorry but I don’t think we can be together. Let’s break up”. Then he hung up.
I didn’t know what to do other than cry. And as it strikes 12, there was no fireworks. There were big red lanterns floating up into the sky quietly as I cried.