Eighth grade was one of my most inactive, quietest, most non exciting time of my life.
After S has abandoned me and the bullying started, I ended my last year of 7th grade with no friends and by myself most of the time. I did make some acquaintances from the grades and other classes that didn’t enjoy the politics of our 7th grade and our school. But regardless, I was pretty much alone.
Once 8th grade started, it felt like I was the girl one more time except with a really bad reputation that i accidentally made for myself. I didn’t talk to anyone, ate by myself during lunch (or with my big sister and her friends in the high school section), and i went home by myself. I didn’t feel sad or afraid of S or anyone for that matter. I did happened to experience S and other girls bullying other girls who happen to interact with me. I cut all ties with them and made her they are always safe. No on should get bullied because they are my friend. But overtime, being myself, i noticed a lot of kids just like me; alone, possibly bullied and isolated.
Let me get this straight, my 8th grade wasn’t bad with me being alone. But this isn’t about me. I want to talk about YS.
YS was an alone Korean girl who was very skinny (most likely anorexic), very beautiful, long black layered hair, tall, and rolled up her uniform skirt to make it shorter.
I noticed her being alone and eating by herself and i just happened to walk up to her and asked her about a class we have together. She seemed very surprised i spoke with her and after that we went home together, hung out in each other houses, grab dinner and study together. Almost like what S and I used to do, but this felt more genuine.
It took me some time to get the courage to ask her why is she alone. But she beat me to it, she said, “so, you’re probably wondering why I’m alone”. I answered yes.
She told me a story that within the international school we attend, most Korean girls stick together like a clique. And as much as she didn’t like those types of groups, there was a sense of community, support and happiness. Everything was great until a lot of the group decided to go to have karaoke and they brought their boyfriends. YS did not have a boyfriend and it seems like during that gathering, her group’s boyfriend took an interest on her (because she was so beautiful). The girls banded together and bullied her, ripped her hair, accused her of their boyfriends either cheating, or breaking up with them for YS. She left the group and stuck to herself.
I could not ever relate to that type of bullying since I have no experienced a physical bullying. I held her and I apologized for all she had to endured by herself.
This has turned her to smoking all the time, not eating and forcing herself to vomit so she can keep being even more skinny. She told me she wanted to cut herself and die. But she met me and didn’t want to leave me alone. But it’s so hard for her.
I didn’t want her to keep living for me. I wanted her to keep living for herself.
Life is hard for her because she is a child of a single mom (very taboo in Korean culture or as she had said because her mother went to divorce her husband and moved to Vietnam for a new life). But they both support and love each other as much as they can and do the best they can. And one day, YS and I went up to the roof to just smoke and looking up at the blue sky.
She told me, she was almost raped by one of the group’s ex boyfriend and she went to go karaoke by herself and the guy spotted her. He took her as a bitch and a slut so he would pay for her time. She kicked him and slapped him and she started beating on her. I was wondering why she seems a bit exhausted and roughed up. But he did not succeed and left her to be wounded.
She told me she wanted to die.
I was speechless once again and said nothing but sat there and held her.
The next day in school, i didn’t see her. I searched her in school and i started to get worried. I ran to her house right after school. Her mom was home and screaming and banging on YS’s door. I saw smoke coming out of her door and we tried our best and smashed the door opened.
Once we got the door opened, we rushed in to from YS laying on her bed peacefully. She seems to have smoked and lit her trashcan on fire and also cut herself with a glass bottle. She passed out from inhaling the smoke. We got her to the hospital and we were just hoping and praying to God, she will be okay. She woke up after a few hours and started to cry when she saw me all full of smoke and tearing up. She knew I went in to get her. She told me, Thank you. Then I went home after a while.
From then on, i didn’t hear from her. I went to the hospital the next day and they said she was discharged. Then i went to her home and the security guard said they already moved out. I believe they probably moved back to Korea. I do have her Facebook and occasionally i see a new photo and she looks healthier and happier and we still talk to each other.
I don’t know if i did anything to make her feel happier or even make an impact on her. But, for that short time being with her, we bonded and all i can say is I am thankful for her to be a part of my memories.